Blog

Well……. It’s been awhile since my last blog. A long while, to be truthful. Many times in the past several months I have sat down to the computer to share words of wisdom, and found myself distracted by phone calls, or emails, or Facebook. I’ve made excuses (“but there’s a re-run of FRIENDS on”), I’ve procrastinated (“I’ll do it right after I watch this re-run of “FRIENDS”), and I’ve scolded myself for my laziness (“I’m Horrible for watching a re-run of FRIENDS when I should have been blogging!!!!”). All of this worry & stress still was not enough to motivate me toward my laptop, which was very busy gathering dust in the back corner of my closet, somewhere behind my box-set of FRIENDS. I would occasionally even get minor panic attacks at the mere thought of writing a blog…. “what will I write about??”, “what if it’s not good enough??”, “would Chandler think this blog was funny??”. Time and time again I avoided the dreaded task…. Wondering how something that I once enjoyed SO much, was suddenly more fo reboding than the Mayans’ predictions for 2012. Then, one day in July, after a particularly tragic attempt at writing (I think that blog may have actually begun: “GLUTEAL WORK: Don’t get “Behind”. Yikes.), I realized. It wasn’t the phone, or the re-runs, or facebook. It was fear. Plain & simple. I was afraid that…. for the first time in my life… I might actually have nothing to say. This is because for the last 8 months, I have been going through a very challenging & contentious divorce. And on that particular day in July, I was afraid that the whole terrible process had stolen my voice.

Today it will be 237 days since I ended my marriage. 238 days ago, I was married. Today, I am not. For 236 nights, and 237 days I have fought with everything inside to hold onto myself, while at the same time trying desperately to allow myself , the space & forgiveness to grow and heal. Since this website is all about finding Bliss, I will keep it brief, and simply say that the past 8 months have been, without question, the most challenging of my life. In, fact I was watching a study on the news recently, which found that people who have gone through a divorce are 40% more likely to age quickly, and die sooner. Forty Percent. Great. How was I supposed to Blog about “Bliss” & “Wellness” when experts say I am clearly doomed to premature crows feet, and probably only have another 6 months or so to live? The thought of tackling inspirational blogging at this point seemed just overwhelming. WHY would anyone be interested in ANYthing I have to say? So I said nothing.

Over the past 8 months, I have been tried & tested. I have been shattered, hurt, disappointed, and stressed near my breaking point. I have cried, hyperventilated, yelled, and screamed (sometimes at those who didn’t deserve it). I have felt lost, exhausted, confused, manic, and occasionally….. even broken beyond repair. But it turns out…. I wasn’t broken. During those same 8 months, I have smiled and laughed. I have danced and surfed, and cycled. I have painted, and journaled, and dreamed. I have witnessed breathtaking sunsets and heartbreaking Art. I have read books... from the inane to the classics, from self-help to the Yoga Sutras. I have lived and loved and healed. I have grown and learned and soul searched. In essence… I have survived. And beyond merely surviving…… I have managed to find a deeper version of myself. A more authentic ‘Me’. Despite the nearly unbearable havoc that Divorce has inflicted (not just on me, mind you….. but on ALL those who love me the most), I have NOT lost my voice. Or my heart. Or my laughter. Rather….. I have actually FOUND these things again. and… in a more profound way than ever.

From this day… from this very MOMENT onward, I intend to develop a deeper, more personal relationship with my Joy. with my LIFE. I had lost so much during my marriage, that I simply refuse to waste another breath NOT being the best version of myself I can possibly access. This of course, begs the question “HOW do I access my best self?”. And this is when, (as I have so often done in moments of major life crises) I turn to my Father ‘s sage advice. During a particularly challenging time, my Dad reminded me that “Happiness is a choice”. A conscious decision to control our own thoughts, feelings, & destiny. Well… I found this extremely comforting. Happiness is not something that simply ‘happens’ to us one day. We have to choose it. We have to love ourselves enough to truly believe that we deserve it. and To CHOOSE happiness takes hard work, peaceful dedication & patient nurturing. To take care of others, we have to first take care of ourselves.

And Thus begins my brand new journey! My commitment to help others find their health, wellness & Joy, by remembering to nurture and cultivate my own. Each day, I am going to do something…. At least ONE thing … that exists exclusively to fill my heart & feed my soul…. and then Blog about it. A daily commitment to my Bliss. I am going to show my gratitude for this amazing LIFE I’ve been given, by seizing every opportunity to choose JOY. I’m going to "Carpe Diem” my little heart out!!! I’ll begin each Blog entry with “5 Things I am grateful for Today”… and then share my journey. I hope you’ll join me on an adventure of your own.

5 Things I am grateful for Today: 1) The courage to talk about the end of my marriage, and the beginning of my new life 2) My tirelessly devoted Family & Friends, without whom this transition would have seemed insurmountable. 3) my students, who inspire me EVERYDAY with their strength, integrity, dedication, and open hearts 4) gummi coke bottles 5) The profoundly limitless possibilities of Life